Something I noticed about the parents when speaking about their children that I found odd.
I noticed this because when a good friend of mine died, right afterwards I still said "She IS" and did so for a couple of months after her death. I spoke about her in the "present" tense.. because her death was so painful for me and I couldn't believe she was gone. So I decided to research if speaking in the "present" tense is normal about someone who just died. I found it is definitely the norm, because people don't want to accept the death of the other, especially if it is a child. Research articles below.
Every single parent says "WAS" about their child, even the day after.... listen to Robbie Parker in a small section of this video... he says "WAS" over and over... less than 24 hours after the death of Emilie: Other family videos below showing the same thing... WAS.
TASK ONE -
TO ACCEPT THE REALITY OF THE LOSS
While the initial reaction to the news of a death may be shock and disbelief, these feelings are usually replaced by a
dawning recognition of the reality of what has taken place. As difficult as it might be, we are gradually able to
acknowledge that the deceased is gone from our lives forever. When there is time to anticipate the loss (e.g., when
someone dies from a chronic illness), we may be less likely to get stuck in denial of the reality of the death. Some
forms of denial are obvious, like discussing the deceased in present tense or retaining the deceased’s possessions. Other
forms can be more subtle, like denial that our relationship with the deceased had any meaning. This latter type is an
attempt to mitigate the significance of our loss.
2. VIOLENT. Any type of violent, traumatic death (suicide, accident or homicide) confronts us with a sense of horror.
We feel shocked that such a terrible thing could have happened and we may worry that we, too, will now be vulnerable
to terrible things. Pervasive feelings of helplessness can overwhelm us as we realize there was nothing we could have
done to prevent the tragedy, and our feelings of being out of control may be exacerbated. We may react with rage that
such violent things can happen in life. If there was a perpetrator of the violence, our rage may be targeted in this
direction. People with a sense of "Divine Responsibility" may get angry at God for permitting such a tragedy to occur.
At a very basic level, the assumptions
we hold about the inherent goodness and meaning of life may be called into question as we struggle to understand what
has taken place. Arriving at a resolution can be especially difficult when the victims of 'violence are children because
one of the tacit societal responsibilities -all adults share is to protect children from harm. When children die tragically,
adults experience a collective sense of failure.
Here is another site and their information about grief and present tense.
When does complicated grif occur?
What is the medical view of “complicated grief”?
Is it? Yes or no?
This goes hand in hand with all the parents... a woman freaked out because her daughter's picture is being used as one of the vitcims, Allison Wyatt..